superficial dreamer

MOVING.

2011-01-08T02:16:00.000-08:00

WE'RE MOVING.

I'm through with this and I'm moving. This site is no longer active :)

If you want to follow me, click this, lilmisstattletale.wordpress.com

KFC Double Down :)

2010-11-17T05:46:00.000-08:00

Guess who got asked on a date today?

Well, he rarely asks me out on one now, eventhough we meet everyday. HAHA. Weird isn't it? We both were curious on what the fuss was all about on KFC's new product, so we decided to give it a try. and guess what?

It's our new favorite :)

The Double Down contains "bacon, two different kinds of melted cheese, the Colonel’s "secret" sauce... pinched in between two pieces of Original Recipe chicken fillets.

Who knows?

2010-11-17T05:36:00.002-08:00

It took me quite awhile to get back on my feet, college, will always be never a piece of cake for me. Well, as part of a rock in a pile of gravel, that would mean that I am speaking for all of us, students.

Hello Third Year, Second Semester. Hello HELL.

Cheers to the nights of endless studying and no partying. As I go deeper into this venture, I am still ankle-high in crap and I'm at the brink of falling apart. (Help me, oh please)There are nights when I wake up to the sound of my nightmares cracking my head apart; some I sleep by swiftly.

Still academic issues, bother me, as I juggle with emotional and peer stress. Yes, I am highly susceptible to that to, since I am not as immunocompetent as you think.

One by one, Two by two; I try to figure out which part of my life should I prioritize first. Maybe this, maybe that. Maybe here, maybe later.

You know what, only the future can tell. Only I can make it or break it. Who knows?

I'm Sick of Trying to be Tough.

2010-05-21T08:20:00.000-07:00

I took the liberty to sit down and watch the leaves fall, the sound of cards shuffling nearby and the smell of pizza inviting me to dig in.

It's almost a year now since the tragedy happened to me, I refer to it tragic; it being one that left a scar that now I am still taking care of. Yet, tragic as it may be to me, I am still thankful that from that faint exchange of text messages early from a birthday surprise, it taught me to be the person I am today.

Call me naive, call this an overreaction of a simple goodbye left unsaid. Then, I tell you; put yourself in my shoes and I'll tell you why. How many times did we try so hard to fall in love? to convince ourselves that we really ARE ready and happy with that random person texting us cute whatnots?

That night, that smell of pasta and the cheap picnic cloth that managed to cater to a boredom that led to nights untold on a dimly lit alley. I clutched the air, unable to take in everything that happened for the past 11 months. Trust me, this isn't a matter of simple bitterness but just a simple thought on a random day.

Simple proof, really. That no matter how convinced we are that we have finally moved on with our lives, there are those moments that make us think and wonder, "what if"?

Flashbacks happening. Maybe it was the familiar scent of a sleepless night turned into a window of jealous attempts.

I'm sick of trying to be tough.

Call me bitter, maybe just a pang of vengeance that when moments when you least expect those people to appear, they do; that when you think about it, it really makes you tick. Those spur of the moments that lock you up in a labyrinth of emotions; like a spoonful of hot sauce trickling down your throat on a hot summer afternoon.

Absolutely, pointless. Just a refresher of a somewhat dying memory of a lesson learned. I'm sorry.

Force may make hypocrites, but it can never make converts.

2010-03-09T02:19:00.001-08:00

Right from the start, I could not clearly decipher what lay behind the glint in their eyes and that somewhat twisted sarcasm in their voices when they heard the news.

No parent wants their child to grow up, trust me. Most of them tell us to grow up or be mature, but somewhere deep inside, there's a voice screaming, "Whatever happened to the little girl that told me I was the only man that existed in her life?"

Sad but annoyingly true. We, too, yearn for independence. We squirm and move about and wait for that day that we are finally free from their grasp.

Party everyday, right?

Coming from a far-flung province with a conservative family, I was not one of the lucky ones. It was fate that gave me the chance to even study here in Cebu, away from the eyes that seem to follow me and whatever I do.

A few months ago, roughly about two years now, I ventured to find myself and was told that I needed to be taught about life. This was the start of something new, I always said to myself. Finally, I would make a name for myself, and start on the journey that would lead me to where I ought to be.

I was never given the choice right from the start, but seeing the circumstances, I had to embrace it. I knew that there was another chapter just waiting for me right there.

It wasn't easy, being away from the people you love, not being there on every occasion, not being there when your grandfather breathes his last, and just about everything that seemed important.

The worst part of it all, I was the eldest.

I had to be the model sister, cousin, daughter and everything involved. I felt like I was pushed to the limit. I almost came this close, to losing it.

But what would happen to me?

Every step that I made took me closer to their dream, a dream I never did want. But as time went on, I learned to love the profession I was placed in.

I learned to feel comfortable living with complete strangers, to eat alone, to shop alone, to go to church without a family to go with and just about life. I learned to be independent. But independence came with a consequence.

I never did learn the easy way. It had some attached agenda.

Whenever I see the positive things that life carved within me, I laughed at the foolish things that came along with its lessons. I learned to party the night away, to paint the town red, to drink and be the exact girl my parents feared me to be.

"Whatever happened to the little girl who loved to climb mango trees and ran for the pure pleasure of it?"

The calls seem to go endlessly. The "I hate to say this but I told you so.." went on and on. The "I know what's going to happen to you.." sermons seemed to flood my ear.

It may feel like I'm the insensitive daughter here; I may be in everyone's eyes but let me have something to say here. I may look like the arrogant child; and I will never fail to admit that.

Day after day, as the weeks turned to months, I grew even more hard headed than usual.

What could break a parent's heart more than the sight of it?

What's more was that I found someone who complemented me in exactly the same and opposite way I could imagine. Someone who liked and disliked the same things. Someone who was as insane as me, who could drive me crazy by laughing too hard and by hurting too much.

Someone tried to look within me, to see beyond my outer shell and brought out the exact butterfly I was supposed to be.

Sure, in a lot of things, he wasn't the one any parent would openly embrace, I knew that. And I knew deep inside that he wasn't exactly their cup of tea.

I tried to be discreet about it, but I think I was old enough to make decisions for myself, be it for the best or the worst.

As soon as this Facebook fad started, I always had second thoughts of posting pictures of where I went and the people I'm with. Now, all people do was look at pictures and gossip, trying to speculate about what the pictures meant.

How one simple kiss or a picture with a friend could mean many things.

Remember: Small minds talk about people. Average minds talk about events. Great minds talk about ideas.

What did I do to deserve this?

What did I for you to talk about me like this? or to judge some person through Facebook pictures?

Sure, a picture depicts a thousand words but never can it reveal who the real person is inside. I judged that someone through the pictures too, look what happened?

He drinks. He smokes.-- Hello, and you don't? We're not all saints.

We party.-- and what about you?

He isn't that jaw-dropping, eye-popping tall dark handsome guy, everyone wishes for-- but then again, who are we kidding?

All I ask was a chance to make it all right, but the you bombard me with all this nonsense about getting pregnant, failing, going ballistic and everything I will never be.

I may talk of nonsense things and dream of senseless things, but believe me, under all this disappointment lies an ambition that never came from you.

I'm trying to grow up, I think I can manage that. Why don't you try it?

Force may make hypocrites, but it can never make converts.

Today has been too much..

2010-01-27T09:04:00.000-08:00

My Sinulog blog is so overdue. Anyways, I had to write this.

I have no idea what to say, let alone feel. Maybe it was because of the spur of moments that whisked me away today.

One thing I blame, my being PARANOID. I guess, there are times when one single thing that makes a positive impact in your life can bring out more disappointments than you have ever imagined.

You might want to blame it on other people or your hormones, but at the end of it all, YOU end up blaming yourself because the truth is, it really was YOU.

It was a great experience this morning at the SpEd Center, having to interact with people who are special. It made me think of how lucky I am to be one of those who were born without any disabilities and impairments.

Then, THANK GOD IT'S WEDNESDAY. That was something to look forward to. or not.

One by one, they all pile up into something that might have pushed me to blurt out senseless things. A fight that eventually led to making up, not out.

It was one of the days, when all of a sudden, one wrong thing ticks you off and everything is ruined. Maybe, I was being unreasonable or irrational but I had reasons too.

Promises? pssht. Tell me where to start.

Compromising? haha. Think again.

Understanding? yeah. I had too much of it on you.

I'm sorry. This is for my own good, an outlet. Forgive me if you get to read this.

The thing is, no matter how happy you are, there will always be twists and turns that lead you to somewhere rocky and let you realize that life isn't really that much of a great roller coaster ride.

Topping it all off, you receive an SOS SMS from someone who plays a very important part of someone's life. What would you do? How would you feel?

Heartless? I beg to differ.

I guess, it was worth killing the time watching you have fun but the promise after that, even if you WERE tired, please....

It broke my heart.

Tell me how would you feel if I broke a promise?

Disappointed you? In what ways? For what duration?

HELP ME. I cannot take this.

Or maybe, just for now..

I better sleep on this. Goodnight.

SINULOG at 30!

2010-01-18T03:34:00.000-08:00

Will compose the blog later. As for the moment, this is what I was up to. :) Pit Señor!!

The last of 525,600 minutes: Happy New Year Guys!

2009-12-30T19:54:00.000-08:00

I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible. And how it can actually ache in places you didn't know you had inside you. And it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many shots of tequila you drink with your girlfriends.

You still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door. And after all that, however long all that may be, you'll go somewhere new.

And you will meet people who makes you feel worthwhile again. And little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Wake up!!

My 525,600 minutes were almost up.It was the last day of the year.

Excited. Getting ready. Will miss 2009. Hello 2010.-- all of these flooded my feed.

Everybody was excited for the coming year or just eager to bid 2009 adieu. I was on both sides.

I think I will be posting some "looking back on 2009" pretty soon. But for the meantime, time was not the luxury I had.

"We're going to spend New Year's at Lola's place.."

OMG. Away from civilization and apparently, internet-less. I had to shove some decent clothes and some toothbrush for the almost one-hour trip in the backseat of our car.

Maybe the trip would do me good and enlighten me on some New Year's resolutions, (which apparently last only for two weeks at the most) and let me think of all that happened over the past months.

I needed to embrace the new year, as well as today.

It's weird when you hardly noticed that a year has passed by and nothing seemed to change but when you look back, everything did.

Cheer's to the memories of 2009 and for the chances at 2010 to make it all right!:x

I wish you all a..... HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

I'm out.

2009-12-27T19:46:00.000-08:00

What's weird is that when you open your account and find that some people who actually played important roles in your life got together and you had no idea that there was even a get together planned.

Or maybe that some of them had your contact and neither of them even cared.

Or maybe some of them were people you actually called to hang out with and declined for how many times.

OR maybe the reason is that they heard a story so many times twisted that you ended up being the bad guy, instead of just sort of being the supportive friend.

HAHA.

Whatever.

I mean, it was their decision and maybe I just didn't seem to be a part of their circle anymore. I knew for a fact I never was but still, an invite couldn't hurt, or that decline of a hang out with someone from the group for the nth time could've proved something else.

PLASTICS. There I said it. Call me tactless or whatever but atleast I know I'm real. I show people who I am instead of hiding under the "ooh-we're-so-good-because-we're-intelligent-students" image.

NEWSFLASH! This isn't high school or elementary anymore.

I expect no violent reactions please, because I know I would hear talks about this behind my back. YET AGAIN.

What's new guys?

Oh c'mon. Same old? Same old?

SURPRISE me.

And another thing, I never wanted to be a part of your world, let alone that circle.

------------------------------------------------------------

"Tiguwang na jud diay ta noh?.."

2009-12-26T04:53:00.000-08:00

"Wa diay ka ni uban nila?", was a question my friends asked me that afternoon.

I had no idea what was happening.

I gave a puzzled look and blurted, "Asa diay?"

And then they told me.

Ohhh, okayyy.

Now I know.

It was always like that and maybe, will always be. This wasn't new to me because this has been happening for months, maybe almost over a year now.

Anyways, no hard feelings.

This news was not to spoil what plans we had or were planning this afternoon. They were old friends, and will remain to be, even at the event of the countless unknown gatherings I have heard of.

The usual hang-out was closed for the day, and we needed some caffeine. We walked under the blazing afternoon sun when it hit us.

"Naa man to'y new na cafe dha sa unahan sa Foodstreet!"

"Btaw! Btaw! Btaw!!.."

We headed to the corner, one block away. It was open. hooray

Mocha Latte please.. Carrot cake.. :)

What a way to spend the early hours of the afternoon. We met up with another group of friends from High School, which led to an endless round of nonsense talk and a heavy dose of laughter. This was home.

Things like these made me realize how much I miss home; sitting behind the favorite High School hangout-slash-supposed-to-be-mall, watching the time go by slowly, hearing the sound of tricycles rushing by, going to the city in home clothes and overused slippers and not caring at all, meeting familiar faces almost at every corner, and just being carefree.

These people were my friends, because they made me feel so much at home. They make me laugh so hard, it hurts. The little things that were brought up leading to a topic that would be so foul, we'd laugh our hearts out.

We ended up talking about politics and boxing (the most random thing).

Tiguwang na jud diay ta noh?..

HAHAHAHA.

We realized that we were already grown up, and as the years will pass by, we will continue to grow. But I know deep inside, that the people I would see in years to come will always be the guys I used to hang out with when we were young and naive. We realize that no matter how old we become, our minds will continue to think like eight-year-old kids in a grade school classroom. We remember things we used to laugh about in high school and still laugh about them now. We go in search of the wanted french fries only to find out, there are no existing fries in that store.

We will laugh about certain things, cry about certain people and talk about certain things but the memories we hold will always be kept over the years to come.

Thanks for the memories guys and for more to come! :)

It's Christmas!

2009-12-25T00:43:00.000-08:00

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

was all I heard and read. Flooding my ears and apparently my cellphone, almost all of the people were in the festive mood. I was, almost, up to it.

Hours before midnight, dinner was served with family and apparently, a photoshoot was done in lieu of the event. People were getting excited. You can tell by the way messages seem to flood your inbox and Facebook wall.

We were home by 11 o'clock and got ready for gift giving. It was an exhausting day, but the thought of gifts could immediately power up your brain to full blast.

I got a bunch of stuff, I NEEDED.

HOORAY :)

Then what topped my night wasn't the inviting scent of Ham cooking in the kitchen or the sumptuous cheesecake waiting for me to devour it, it was the midnight phone call.

"Merry Christmas!!!!!!...."

YES. That definitely made my Christmas even at miles away.

This is turning into a weird post again.. REPHRASING...

Cutting the story short, it made me realize that it didn't actually matter if you are with the people who are important to you at one event in your life. What matters most is that, even at miles away, you are able to celebrate the true meaning of the occassion.

Well, plastic naman lang if I won't say na it is sometimes the feeling of receiving gifts that makes it worthwhile. Dba?

Anyways, we all know that. Years of lessons and experiences have taught us those things and maybe as we all move with another celebration, we remember the real reason and find the beauty within it.

That's where we learn not only about a certain celebration but also about life.

I've learned a lot this past year.

I've learned that holding onto grudges doesn't do anything.

I' learned that life isn't what it's all supposed to be.

I've learned that some people aren't meant to be in your life.

I've learned that no matter how hard you try, there will always be something that will ruin what
you have done but also leaves a lesson for us to remember.

I've learned that even if you try to be nice, not everyone will be nice back.

I've learned that saying sorry isn’t a bad thing, but saying sorry for all the wrong reasons is.

I've learned that every mistake comes with a cost.

I've learned that not everybody sees life the way you see it.

I've learned that there’s no use living in the past, forgetting and moving on is the best solution.

I've learned that life will never be fair.

I've learned that there will be moments where you seem completely alone and you just hate
everyone in the world. but i also learned that life is magical.

I've learned that even if your friends turn their back on you, there will always be those few that stay with you through it all.

I've learned that if things are meant to happen, they will eventually happen.

I've learned that you should not over analyze situations.

I've learned that nothing goes the way you plan it to be, sometimes, it goes even better.

I've learned that nothing should be taken for granted.

I've learned that everything in life should be appreciated.

I've learned that everyone needs love.
and that life IS a wonderful thing.---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The smell of spaghetti sauce is coming into the room, as of the moment.

Mmmmmmm-hmmmmm..

Another party, another plate to fill.

Have a merry merry Christmas everyone! :)

Let's rephrase everything.

2009-12-23T18:11:00.000-08:00

One day.

Wait, let me rephrase that...

In a few hours.

Yes, people will be celebrating Christmas. (HOORAY)

But last night, I was very much not at ease, for a reason I couldn't explain.

Maybe it was the thought that he almost didn't exist in daylight. Or maybe because he spent almost every night with eyes wide open, dancing to the melody just for the sole reason of 'tis the season to be jolly.

Well, excuse me if I sound selfish. This is the best way to let it all out.

But then, I really sound so selfish. OMG. This is not good. Maybe, I should try to find something to pass the time while I'm here. I managed to live with that before.

Ok. Whatever. This post is absolutely pointless, let alone useless.

Ang gulo mo.

There. Ok. Happy? NO.

If there was a reason to wake up in the morning, its not me. Don't give me that excuse. Give me reasons.

Maybe I just need to breathe in, breathe out. WHOOOOOO. (:

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

One thing that bothered me too was the fight of two girls who happened to be involved in one guy's life.

The past and the present.

Yes, it's clearly typical.

Take a closer look.

It hurts to write about someone that mattered to you so much in the past tense, so why write about it? Yes, there are times when emotions cannot be controlled and the outburst is unbearable. I, too, have been in that position for times I cannot remember. But then, we realize that in the end, it doesn't really matter because God has set better plans for us, waiting to unfold.

Let us not be blinded by selfishness or jealousy. Let us not be blinded by anger.

What one's opinion is up to her alone. This is a free country, let us accept what she has to say or fend for herself.

I am not taking any sides here. Let's be rational, we are not little kids anymore.

Keep in mind that blogs are for everyone to see and think about what others may think of your posts.

After all, it will reflect who you are as a person. This goes to both sides of the party, the author and the critic.

So as the year ends, let us forget all the things that happened in the past and embrace the things in the present and whatever may come for us in the future.

Let's rephrase everything. Shall we?

Never underestimate the power of your actions. With one small gesture can change a person's life. For better or for worse.

-----------------------------------------------------------------
Anyways, have a Happy Christmas everyone! :)

Plastikan.

2009-12-23T03:03:00.000-08:00

Maybe the reason why some people are actually fake to you in the face is because they can’t stand the real you.

— I just don’t see the point why you have to post it for everybody to see when in fact, you can confront her just like what you did the last time you lost ONE.

Not about the happy ending

2009-12-22T22:58:00.000-08:00

HELLO

I am now officially life-less. I have edited my accounts and have understood some things about CSS codes, which is a good thing. At least, I think so....

Then, I opened a new tab and typed in tumblr.com (: and immediately drowned myself in its dashboard.

This is my favorite pastime and yes, this goes to all my tumblr friends who now have a standing at tumblr's top blogs :))

And then, I saw this....

" He said he would stay on the phone until I stopped talking & fell asleep. When I woke up I heard him say.. "Good Morning, did you know that you have deep conversations in your sleep? & in case you didnt know, I Love You Too!" "

Awwwwwh.. Made my heart melt. Yes, we or atleast some of us, can relate to this. PLEASE TELL ME I'M NOT THE ONLY PERSON EXISTING WHO CAN RELATE TO THIS! :))

There are just about a million things we can relate to, if not connect with. That's the magic of living in a small world, having free minds and depending on great decisions.

Imagine what we can do with a single thought............ There would be a million WHAT IF's

The truth is, we’re all afraid of getting hurt. Some of us just deal with it differently than others. Some of us convince ourselves we don’t care. Others isolate themselves. A couple of us push the other person away. And there are those who hurt others in an attempt to prevent it from happening to them. But you know what? You’ve got to take that chance.

Because all of us WILL get hurt and all of us will have BEEN hurt at some point in our lives. So what’s the point in trying to prevent what we know will happen?

Let yourself live. Don’t be afraid to be involved.Stop planning your life and let it plan itself, quit trying to find the perfect one and let him find you. If you don't want drama, then don't talk shit. Things are only as complicated as you make them.

You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren’t exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you don’t recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren’t really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

If having things turn out the way you wanted them to is the measure of a successful life, then some would say I’m a failure.

One thing I always look up to every morning:

The important thing is not to be bitter over life’s disappointments. Learn to let go of the past, and recognize that every day wont be sunny. And when you find yourself lost in the darkness of despair, remember it’s only in the black of night that you can see the stars & those stars will lead you back home.

So dont be afraid to make mistakes, to stumble and fall, because most of the time the greatest rewards come from doing the things that scare you the most. Maybe you’ll get everything you wished for, or maybe you’ll get more than you could have ever imagined.

Who knows where life will take you.. the road is long and in the end the journey is the destination.

--Barry Corbin

Setting a goal is not the main thing. It is deciding how you will go about achieving it and staying with that plan.

Maybe its not just all about the happy ending, Maybe its just about the story.

I realized.

2009-12-22T20:53:00.000-08:00

Every girl has that one boy in her life, who could call her at three in the morning and say, “Let’s hang out. I’m coming to get you.” and she would put aside everything she was doing, her excitement, her anger or her momentary hate for him. And she would proceed to give him only four words, “give me ten minutes."

Isn't that cute? It's like those movies we se where they do one random thing in the middle of the night, enough to make the girl squeal with delight the moment she tells her friends.

Then, I realized... "Hey.. I had that moment.."

What else happened?

text below: copied from Arden Fernan. http://www.facebook.com/fernanarden?ref=ts#/notes/arden-fernan/twothousnine/217229810981

2009 IS ALMOST OVER, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?

Stayed single almost the whole year?
HAHA. YES! I think sooo...

Were involved in something you’ll never forget?
YUP. :) Tripped over a coffee table? HAHAHA. almost all the time!

Dyed your hair?
Yea, forgot the color though.

Came close to losing your life?
HAHAHA. Yes!!

Saw one of your favorite bands/artists live?
Ughhh. NO.

2009: Friends and Enemies
Did you meet any new friends this year?
YES :) Did you hate anyone? HAHA!! YES

Do you have any regrets when it comes to your friendships?
Uhm, I think some were regrettable but nevertheless, it taught me things I needed as a person.

Did you have a cake?
HAHA. Randoma ani oyyy. YES.

Did you get any presents?
YES!! ü

2009: All about YOU

Did you change at all this year?
Yes! I think soooo; as a person, both physically and mentally. :))

Did you change your style?
IDTS.

Were you in school?
Yeaaaahuhhh.

Did you get good grades?
Surprisingly, yes (: Ahh gira. haha. BETTER than last year!!

Did you drive?
Haha, yeahh. sort of

Did you own a car?
HAHA. NO!!

Did anyone close to you give birth?
Hmmmm. YES (:

Did you go on any vacations?
Hahaha. For summer, wala. Quick getaways lang.

Would you change anything about yourself now?
Hmmmm. No. Wait, excess weight? =))

2009: Wrap UP:

Was 2009 a good year?
YES! and NO.

Do you think 2010 will top 2009?
I think so. Every year tops the previous year man.

IN THE YEAR 2009 I CONFESS THAT I….

Kissed in the snow?
HAHAHA. If mag snow here, I HOPE!! Pwede RAIN? :))

Had your heart broken?
Ahy. YES...........

Painted a picture?
No. I'm BAD at painting. :

Wrote a poem?
Ew no.

Ran a mile?
Hahahaha. The countless attempts at losing weight via running/jogging. :))

Visited a foreign country?
NOPE.

Cut in a line of waiting people?
Sus. ALWAYS. tsk tsk.

Told someone you were busy when you weren’t?
HAHAHAHHAHAHAH. So Sorry^^ Always.

Lied about how old you were?
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

IN 2009, I…

Lied?
Hahahaha. Of course!

Disappointed someone close?
Yes. :(

Hid a secret?
A lot.

Pretended to be happy?
YEs.

Slept under the stars?
Ahy. NOOOOO.

Kept your new years resolution?
HAHAHAH. What was my new years resolution????? LOSE WEIGHT? I think so. O.o

Met someone who changed your life?
YES

Changed your outlook on life?
YES. ü

Sat home all day doing nothing?
HAHAHAHHA. YES!!!

Lost something expensive?
HAGUYY. YES.

Learned something new about yourself?
YES. HAHAHAHHA.

Tried something you normally wouldn’t try and liked it?
HAHAHAHHAHA. I think soooooo. ;)

Made a change in your life?
YES! And proved that people really do change. :))

Found out who your true friends were?
HAHAHAHA. MURA.

Met great people?
Yup. ü Stayed up 'til sunrise? HAHAHAH. YES! OMG.

Cried over the silliest thing?
HAHAHAHHAA. YES!!

Had friends who were drifting away from you?
YES
Spent most of your money on food?
Hayyy. One thing, I am most guilty of. :))

Gotten sick?
Once? Twice? HAHAHAHA.

Liked more than 2 people at the same time?
YES. guilty. guilty.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Yet, after all this, there seemed to be much more than that. It made me think of what really happened this year. Maybe, I'll do a post about that and all the things I learned, lost and gained over the past 365 days.

Apparently, my watch just beeped.
It's 12:00am. 23rd of December. 2 More days..
and things to do:

Shut down.
I have to call Abby. Happy Birthday Abb!♥
List the things I should reflect on. (2009)

Have a good night guys! (:

Why take a chance with me?

2009-12-12T17:52:00.000-08:00

And that's how it happened, for now, at least. The steps she took were a little closer now, the ride would be fun. A step back and then she looked around. She was happy now. The sweat dripping from her face as she faced the mirror, basked in the midday sun. The creases upon her face were there to mark all the things that she went through, the laughter, if not for the pain.

She flicked through pages and pages of notes she'd written since her face book existed. " This was all too much.. " One day, she wished that one person could really appreciate her and accept her for what she really is. HELLO Miss perfectionist-control freak-overacting-I'm so obsessed with love but I'm afraid of it-kind of way.

There were things she needed to be SORRY for. She managed to tear a piece of paper from her already dilapidated notebook and scribbled..

Dear brain,
Sorry for overloading you with thoughts of him..

Dear Tummy,
Sorry for all the butterflies..

Dear pillow,
Sorry for all the tears..

Dear heart,
Sorry for all the damage..

And that was when she realized that she was looking for LOVE. I mean, who isn't, right?

REAL LOVE. The one that's ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-with-each-other

love.

Her cell phone started to beep, it was a call. She often got them, and she was happy. It only meant two things, either an annoying classmate or HIM. It didn't bother her that he was calling at different intervals of the day, a minute was not to be spared for someone like him. She could spend a whole 1440 minutes talking to him of just about anything. This was different. She knew it, from the way her smile formed to that sparkle in her eyes.

It happened one day, amidst all the tears that flowed from a broken heart. It was funny, how they met. Yet from that day on, it was the start of something unplanned that managed to tickle every nerve in her body. It made her feel like two giraffes dancing to the African summer heat at dawn.

One exchange of messages led to another and on and on it went. Everyday, it was logged on to her daily calendar. Jokes that made her laugh her heart out, lines that made her stomach hurt so bad, it felt good. The year was almost over. A lot had happened. She sat down and checked her inbox.

" Thank you for trying to see something in me that no one else bothered to find.."

The words that seemed to melt her heart, seemed to grow on her more as the days passed by.

"Tell me how I make you feel.. What I lack, what I overdo.. Because you deserve the best.."

She knew that she didn't. Things were lacking because they are meant not to exist, overdone because we need more of it. It was a matter of balancing the things we have and need, the things that are there and want.

The more she thought about it, the more she smiled. She was happy. But then again, happiness pays a dear price. Maybe not at the moment, but it would come sooner or later. She just had to embrace the moment and face whatever happens.

It's not like it's the first time she took a chance. It's not the first time her heart had been broken. But what's a little risk? A little adventure, right?

The days that went by, turned into weeks and months, filling every gaping hole of loneliness that people had left behind. She was holding on to this adventure, unsure of what lay ahead for the both of them.

Her phone beeped..

" Why take a chance with me? "

She breathed, closed her eyes and felt the warmth of the midday sun.

" Why not?.. "

The little things that mean so much.

2009-12-12T17:28:00.000-08:00

The weekends are something to look forward to. I know it is. Saturday was fun. Starting the day with a surprise that went ballistic. HAHA Trust me. It was far from what we imagined.

It's the little things that make the most of your weekend and if you think of having something planned to do, better do it now. They're way better and way fun.

What's nice about the first half of the weekend was sharing it on an unofficial shopping trip downtown, where I discovered the thrill and adrenaline rush that ukay-ukay had in store for me. It was better done with a friend, looking for clothes and having occasional chit-chats while randomly pulling out a piece of worn out clothing from the pile of clothes that seemed to smell like, well, UKAY UKAY!

It was one way of releasing the stress that seemed to pile up from the occasional quizzes that we had to undergo. Vintage ehh. For hours and hours, I kept walking and found myself enjoying a pancit canton and mountain dew for less than P30. The little things that seem to surprise us, gives me the feeling of drawing dust smileys all over a car's unwashed window.

Sharing an extra large Watermelon juice at Ayala, with a longtime friend for no reason at all. Now that's one way to spend an evening. Those are the things I miss. Bumping into friends at random, now that's surprising. It makes you feel happy. :) smile ^___________________^

What we call little things are merely the causes of great things; they are the beginning, the embryo, and it is the point of departure which, generally speaking, decides the whole future of an existence. One single black speck may be the beginning of a gangrene, of a storm, of a revolution.

Then you find that it's the end of a Saturday night, and you sleep early, leaving the Saturday nights for others to enjoy. Now, that's something new.

But then again....

You wake up to a 4:30 am alarm for an early morning breakfast at 5:30 with someone special. That's something new, if you compare it to the occasional dinner dates. I tell you, DO NOT TAKE A BATH AT 4:30 AM!! It's freaking cold!! pwahahahaha.

The best thing about how my Sunday started was realizing that even the smallest things can mean so much. You realize that you share the same idea about hot chocolate and ice. It's not everyday that you find that person. It's not everyday that you find someone who would greet the sun with you on that random Sunday morning.

Now, that's a Sunday. Today was one to look back on, months and maybe years from now and realize that the little things need to be enjoyed, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.

Happy Sunday!

Thank God it's Friday.

2009-12-11T06:13:00.001-08:00

One thing that surprised me today was finding the piece of paper I kept from Christmas last year. It looked like 10 years older than what it really was, but nevertheless I still opened it and read what scribbles I managed to put on that random 13th of December 2009.

It was noted as an "Every (I feel) ugly day" . I couldn't recall what happened that unfateful day, as it was labeled: UGLY DAY. I managed to write things of having the best moments I wanted to happen to me at random.

It read..

Hey you.. I wish.. I just wish.. The best moments would be:

Accidentally overhearing someone say something nice about you.

Waking up and realizing that you have a few hours left to sleep.

First Kisses.

Making new friends and spending time with the old ones.

Singing in the Bathroom.

Sweet dreams.

Hot chocolate.

Making brownies and cookies.

Holding hands with someone you care about.

Watching a sunset.

Sleeping.

Taking long, hot showers.

Starbucks

Knowing that somebody misses you. :)

--------------------------

----------------------------------------------------------

Apparently, I had every reason to thank God because most of the things already happened to me after a year. The door creaked, and the laughter of the girls echoed into my room. I had a lot to do, I can actually make things happen.

Oh well, that's it. Thank God it's Friday.

At the end of it all.

2009-12-10T01:07:00.000-08:00

Every experience opens a window for us, may it be for the best or just for slapping us in the face. Sometimes, you feel like you're stuck in this crowd and you know half the people there but at the end of the day, nobody will really care where you'll go or where you are. You wait for a text message from someone, and then realize that there isn't any message coming. You cross the street, not knowing that the peron at the other side of the street could actually be your soulmate.

Even the smallest things create big opportunities, all we have to do is try to unravel it. It's like having rain and then looking up a few minutes after and see the rainbow.

Maybe the experience had its way of teaching me the importance of who to value and when to value them. There are things we have to prioritize, its not a constant-everyday-thing.

Surprises.

Now, that's nice.

When you're in a stage full of bedazzled fans from a school pageant, and you just have to get a picture of that certain someone. pang-Facebook eh You end up having pictures with the other people in pursuit of the main agenda. Then when you're really tired, you let out a sigh and find him right there in front of you; out of fans but still smiling!

See what happens?

Now, that's nice. wait. That's GREAT!

And then you go home alone.

You look up to the maze of streets, the rushing cars and feel the rush of the wind. "Whatever happened to the things that used to make your heart beat faster?" "What happened to the nights when he used to wait up all night for you because you were out with your friends and he's just at home?" "Whatever happened to all the good mornings and goodnights that took your breath away?"

As you close the day and start another one, more and more things will be missed and more questions will be asked. You think about the things that need to be done and the things we ought to do because that will define who we are.

Character is doing the right thing when nobody’s looking. There are too many people who think that the only thing that’s right is to get by, and the only thing that’s wrong is to get caught.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Di xa connected noh?.. "

why take a chance with me?

2009-12-10T01:04:00.000-08:00

"If you don't tell her how you feel.. she'll find some other guy that will tell her all the things that she only ever wanted to hear from you.. "

And that's how it happened, for now, at least. The steps she took were a little closer now, the ride would be fun. A step back and then she looked around. She was happy now. The sweat dripping from her face as she faced the mirror, basked in the midday sun. The creases upon her face were there to mark all the things that she went through, the laughter, if not for the pain.

She flicked through pages and pages of notes she'd written since her face book existed. " This was all too much.. " One day, she wished that one person could really appreciate her and accept her for what she really is. HELLO Miss perfectionist-control freak-overacting-I'm so obsessed with love but I'm afraid of it-kind of way.

There were things she needed to be SORRY for. She managed to tear a piece of paper from her already dilapidated notebook and scribbled..

Dear brain,
Sorry for overloading you with thoughts of him..

Dear Tummy,
Sorry for all the butterflies..

Dear pillow,
Sorry for all the tears..

Dear heart,
Sorry for all the damage..

And that was when she realized that she was looking for LOVE. I mean, who isn't, right?

REAL LOVE. The one that's ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-with-each-other

There's No Place Like Home.

2009-10-19T03:09:00.000-07:00

Sembreak! Finally, I get to stop and smell the roses. It wasn't an easy five-months-to-go-through phase, being it one of the most complicated months of my ENTIRE life. But nevertheless, at the end of all of it, here I am, looking at everything it taught me. Then, I look at where I am now.

I'm finally HOME! I'm finally here at the place I love. It feels great to be back home, knowing that feeling of euphoria it gives you. Life may lead us to different places but still, as the saying goes.. There's no place like home. :)

Ormoc City, Leyte.

http://ormoc.gov.ph/forums/index.php?topic=9.0

One of but the many rural cities you can find in this multi-cultural archipelago. Yes, to some, it may be referred to as .. "Where is that?" or "There's a city called Ormoc?" and I answer, "Yes, in Leyte.. my Home.."

I remember as a little girl, Ormoc was just one of the towns that most people would refer to as probinsya and I guess, it still is. It's a place where one can just sit down, relax and let the time pass by slowly. At first, I couldn't appreciate how wonderful it was to stay in a place like this until I started living in the urban jungle. Everything about it will never be compared to my hometown. But I fancy living life there too, it has taught me how to be independent and keep up with the rush of the city life.

But.. But.. But.. It always comes to my mind and I guess to all the others living outside Ormoc..

"Pwede mu uli? "

Check out Ormoc City: http://www.ormoc.gov.ph/

because if she did, he would..

2009-09-07T18:26:00.000-07:00

It was the least of places she wanted to see someone who once mattered to her most. She had been counting the days since she last saw his face, that night that she had tried to make an effort to at least see him without an idea that that day would be the last of him. Forty-four days; days that she had established this wall of protection, thinking that she would be strong enough when the day would come coincidentally that fate would let them see each other again. And yet, here she was wallowing in self-pity and in shame that on that forty-fourth day, she didn't do anything but let the opportunity pass by.

Sitting on a bar, drinking with friends that seemed to be her only resort; she looked outside to the sea of strangers that passed her by. Much to her dismay, no one would come for her, no one would care for her ANYMORE. Then, out of the blue, someone came. One random guy wouldn't have made her care that much but she knew this one was different. She remembered the posture, the walk, the arms and when he turned, she felt her heart leap. It was the same feeling you felt after seeing your much-awaited-grade-that-you-really-worked-hard-for feeling, sweaty palms, that fast-paced breathing, and a heartbeat that seemed to drown your ears in its booming sound. She stood up and blurted his name. But she knew he couldn't hear her, nevertheless maybe even recognize her.

She stood up and tried to follow him, unmindful of the rain that was falling upon her. She didn't care anymore, all that mattered to her was that she finally saw him. Her friends didn't believe her. Maybe she was just hallucinating, thinking about the days that passed by and not a word from him. "Maybe, it wasn't him..", she told herself. She made herself believe that it was another random guy that passed her again but she knew deep in her heart that it was really HIM. Even in the rain, she had this feeling that he would look back again and see her and maybe even smile but when he looked back, she ran away.

She knew the truth would hurt her. She couldn't accept that she was just another girl from his past. And she knew that at this time, the time she ran away, she had made a choice. A choice to let all of this go and finally take a step forward. The feelings she had inside her were churning like the feeling you get after you take five straight shots of tequila and puke it out afterwards. It was nothing like a scream from the heavens, nothing compared to the lights that turned everyone on or the toy that makes a baby boy scream "buy me!" to his mommy.

Goodbye was the right word to describe that fateful afternoon, but everyone knew she hated goodbyes. Goodbyes were hurtful. She never was the one to believe in happy endings.Maybe she needed the time off, to let this go, to let the wounds heal. She knew it would take a long time for this to heal, a long time for her to get over it. But she knew she had to, because as far as she knew, she didn't matter to him anymore. Because if she did, he would..

straightening out the creases.

2009-08-20T19:01:00.000-07:00

It happened like a flash of lightning just before the distant roars of thunder could be heard on a typical rainy day in July. It was like any other day; she met him, he met her. She had just come from a brutal day, having classes in the kick-ass summer season , leaving her with a somewhat grotesque look etched on her face. It happened like a super-sonic-boom-ya'll-hear-the-spaceship-zoom kind-of-way, and everyday that they spent time together, just made them closer to each other; unmindful of the jealous eyes and green heart that always followed them.

YES. She knew who the eyes belonged to and everyday she met those eyes, she just didn't know what to do. How could she love someone who has in love with himself? FORGIVE ME not. There was a certain kind of spark that made her believe that maybe, just maybe, she could help those eyes change and see the better side of life. BUT NO. There was too much arrogance in those eyes, too much vanity that blinded them to see how much she cared for him, as a friend.

Those eyes never asked for anything in the first place and neither did the boy she met from summer. Nothing ever happened for her and the boy, except for the fact that a friendship had started to grow. Each day, every laughter, every walk home would always leave a smile at the end of the day. YES, it did. She was happy, finally.

She had just come from a somewhat dysfunctional farewell in the past month of that same year, that it left her with an illusion that SHE will never be too good for anyone. But the smell of grass, the cold night air, the smell of pasta and sandwiches had managed to change her life. She could tell from that first day she met him; that there was sadness and hurt in his eyes, that his heart had felt the certain kind of crush that it needed to feel. And she was right, after all.

It was revealed to her; EVERYTHING, under the slight drizzle of rain with two glasses of coffee and a book that was left ajar for the whole night, covered with stories and smiles. They had almost shared the same situation and there, they could tell that it had already started. They were close.

But closeness always has to have its boundaries, happiness has its downfalls and they could feel that those eyes were always filled with envy and discontent, never thinking that he had too much of what he needed; that he always wants the best, unmindful of the very people he might hurt, THEM.

Then it all became clear, those eyes wanted to be in HIS place in her life. That she never gave him a chance to show her how he felt, and now as the raindrops started to fall on the green grass that they once sat on; the three of them, she could feel his pain, if there was any that he tried to conceal with fatigue. It was revenge. She could feel it, that those eyes always wanted to let her see how much she'd regret life without him BUT she was happy. She was happy with HIM.

But then he became BUSY. It was always a misunderstanding of time and priorities, but they always tried to work something out. She thought their friendship mattered more to her, that he would eventually have time for her. HA HA HA. But it was the biggest mistake she never realized.

Now, she sits alone in the terrace, thinking about how it happened and how she lost it ALL again. She munches on the last of her crackers left from yesterday and sips the coffee she had managed to get from the fridge. When the eyes left, he had vanished with it. Now, she felt the same way during the first few weeks of summer. The painful goodbye she foresaw was left with something worse, the VANISHING.

She stood up, felt the cold breeze upon her face and sighed. This was the start of something new, yet again. Another story to tell, another memory to remember or maybe forget. She had somewhat managed to live with insensitivity before, maybe it wouldn't be too bad to live with it again, together with the scarce pieces of dignity she had left.

She whispered the last words that were left, mumbling some crappy pieces of letters she couldn't quite verbalize. She took a shot,a chance but it all went down to goodbye. POOF. Can't he see what she's doing to her? The teardrop started to trickle down her white face.

BOOOOOOOMMMM. There, the thunder shook her. "I'm not special.."

BSNII-A's NCM GROUPINGS for LEOPOLD'S MANEUVER

2009-07-25T19:16:00.000-07:00

Group 1:
DUBALAN, Monn
SOLITE, Carmel
SEPE, Valerie
LANSANG, Melanie

Group 2:
ABATAYO, Lourdes
CADUNGOG, Wes
SIA, Nikki
YU, Austin

Group 3:
CHAN, Angeli
MANLOSA, Leah
MANTALABA, Christieanne
TAN, Richard

Group 4:
MAGDADARO, Lucena
CO, Hines
PEPITO, Jill
ABREGANA, Nigel

Group 5:
ALBAñO, Cielo
MEDALLE, Rj
OCENAR, Anne
UNABIA, Leah

Group 6:
PALOMAR, Shantryl
ABARICO, Michael
LICAYAN, Tristan
YTING, Marylou

Group 7:
LUGTU, Gladys
ARTIAGA, Jan Michael
DONALDO, Kristina
VILLARIN, Carmee

Group 8:
MIRANDA, Kevin
RALOTA, Patricia
CABALUNA, Angeli
TROYO, Georgia

Group 9:
CARILIMDILIMAN, Paul
GONZALES, Monique
GESTA, Charmaine
CAMISO, Allyssa

Group 10:
DESQUITADO, Christian
dela CRUZ, Fritzie
KHO, Riczelle
AMANDORON, Katrina

Group 11:
TAN, Abigail
RAMOS, Sarah
BAYALAS, Kaye
GALICIA, Aaron

Group 12:
ARQUILLANO, Alfredo III
MISTERIO, Nicole
DAJAO, Michelle

First steps of a NURSE in the making.

2009-06-25T00:20:00.000-07:00

FINALLY. SPACE. What two weeks of HELL I have been in, yet it's still the easy part of the journey. :)

I have finally received the prize of a year's worth of late night studying and the oh-so-popular fifteen-minute cramming sessions (which actually work, for the first two hours and then I forgot all about it. HAHA. ). Yes, on the 9th day of June 2009, I got what I always dreamed of; the first step to my ladder of success: my CAP. Thank you VELEZ COLLEGE. It was one of the greatest days of my life yet it also marked the beginning of pages full of OPT's, Reports and tons of STUDY LOAD. That's NURSING for you. BUT I will try my very best although it pains me to just think of my situation-to-be.

The classes that start at early morning until late afternoon never cease to end. GAAAAAWD. Can I least have a break? COMPLAINING will get me nowhere. But atleast I can let it out, it's the least I can do.

For the 1st month of RLE's (RELATED LEARNING EXPERIENCES), I was assigned to the CENTRAL SUPPLY DEPARTMENT. Oh yes, what could that be? I too, was wondering what could a nursing student possibly accomplish in such a place. Only to find out that for the three days of my RLE EXPERIENCE, I was to make cotton balls and pledgets for FOUR-FREAKING HOURS! Trust me, I'm a PRO. I can even pack 20 cotton balls in one sheet of paper without using tape to secure its closed. HAHAHA.

Still, I'm excited and looking forward to next week's RLE: the DIETARY DEPARTMENT.

FOOD. FOOD. FOOD.

Here I am, looking at the first steps I took and looking forward to another step on the ladder of success. The rest is not yet to come, only the BEST. :)

Good luck to me. :)

What a year it has been.

2009-05-26T20:14:00.000-07:00

It has been months since my last post here. SORRY guys. got busy with facebook. :) i MISS BLOGGING too. Anyways, I'm back here for the meantime just to kill the time. ( isn't that sad? I'm so BAD.)

I can't believe I finally managed to survive my first year of college with all my parts still intact. It wasn't an easy year for me; thinking what to wear on those Saturday-Night-Outs with friends, mga date-date sa kilid (HAHA) and through the weekly-oh-so-grueling long exams in Anatomy and the 600-page exams to top it all off. I've finally managed to SURVIVE! YESS. I survived. >:)

Not to mention, that wasn't the worst part of it. I had SUMMER!

SUMMER CLASSES!

Geez. What a way to spend the supposed-to-be-free-two-months-of-a-student's-year, right? I spent almost all of it, STUDYING some crappy stuff about LOGIC and Physics. Which I may add, I have no idea what they are for and what they are about. (Nahuman nalang ang klase!) My Assessment subject though, is to DIE FOR! HAHAHA:) The Clinical Instructor is to die FOR. (Sa mga nka'ila. TELL ME IF IM WRONG. ) PLUS it's fun, bsag luod jud siya usahay. Studying some abnormalities of the body while eating snacks during Physics class. Di ka mawad'an ug gana ana? :))

BUT I was blessed to discover that even though we were shuffled, I found great great friends! :) I love my new section. They're fun BUT at the same time, I miss BSN1-E sad! The shuffling has done many things, it has made our circle of friends, bigger and has helped our stay in VELEZ easier. *wink wink* HAHAHA.

The journey has not been easy and I am looking forward to that day. JUNE 9! OH-NINE. HAHAHA. All our efforts will all be worth it. CAPPING and BADGING Ceremony. :)

So, here's to the end of my life as a FRESHMAN student of VELEZ COLLEGE. :) and HELLO to being a Sophie. ü

gone.

2009-04-07T20:11:00.000-07:00

I wasn't the type to say goodbyes frequently. I'm not the type to let go that easily. Maybe that's why, I often get hurt.

Ever had that feeling when all of a sudden, you had these happy moments only to find out that there was something in return. Something dear to you.

It happened in a flash. I woke up at around 4:30 am and checked my phone. I had a message from HER. I happened to smile because it was not that often that I received messages from HER. Then I read it. SHE was moving. I didn't know what to do, I just stared at the message for about a minute or two and tears started streaming down my face.

Things were sudden. I know we haven't been that long as friends but sometimes friendship isn't defined by how long you've known each other but rather how you complete each other's lives. It was like life suddenly flashed before your eyes. All our plans went down the drain. She still had to come here after summer classes, her 18th birthday on June, my debut on October and we stil had to pursue medicine. It all went ka-blaam.

I just couldn't think of reasons why she should go. Yes, certain sacrifrices had to be made and I couldn't think of reasons why SHE of all people should be the one to make the sacrifice. She had a mother and I doubt that her mother was looking for ways for them to survive. Her aunt was "unsupporting" them. It may seem that I may be quite selfish at this point but sometimes, when you can't do anything about a thing that someone is pushed to do, you find ways to help.

And now, I couldn't survive another loss, another one for the road. Somehow, I wish I could do something. I just can't. I just can't. And I thought the shuffling was bad enough.

the Audition addiction.

2009-03-04T03:23:00.000-08:00

I am now officially addicted to Audition. Audition, for the information of everyone, is an online dancing game created by e-games.com.ph. The game was introduced to me by a few of my classmates who were already hooked. At first, It didn't occur to me that I would be addicted to such a game until I realized that I started looking forward to playing it everyday. Audition sorts of pulls me in a world of fun and dancing, letting me forget my problems for a while.

Everyone has problems. We cannot merely ignore that fact. Pardon me for sharing this piece of crumb, amidst the orientation of my Audition addiction. I lost a friend. Yes, it wasn't easy. Losing a friend means so much to me than getting a perfect combo in Audition. What am I supposed to do when the person I want to be friends with doesn't want to be my friend anymore? You can't just push him to be your instant friend, if that's the case. I don't even know what I did wrong. Can I even have a clue? This was my problem. A bunch of guys tagging me as a b*tch ( sorry, for the foul language) and telling me that I did something wrong.

This is where the Audition addiction begins. In an attempt to forget this problem, I seek the help of audition. I am not a good player but I can play well. I am now a Level 5 player who can dance up to a 110 bpm song. Yes, I recommend this game to you too. But please, choose a noisy place, one cannot simply play in a quiet area because no matter how much one tries to avoid shouting, he will EVENTUALLY shout. Thank you adrenaline rush.

Audition has a lot of stage settings to suit everyone's taste. There's the:

1. Hip-Hop Street: This dance arena features a basketball half-court with a funky graffiti wall design. A design perfect for funky hiphop players.

2. Tropical Paradise: A breezy and ultra-light arena, this dance stage simulates a cozy, tropical district by the sea.

3. Studio 81: Designed for a more sophisticated, robust dance action, this arena is decked with loudspeakers and kick-ass monitors to showcase every dancer's fancy moves.

4. Shibuya: Set to mimic Tokyo's chic district, this dance pad emphasizes the rising skyscrapers, modern sites and cosmopolitan landscaping that's just right for showing off those slick dance steps.

5. Mega Plex: The crowd, the neon signs and a burning spotlight—it's like staging a live dance performance!

6. X-mas: The holidays can never get more funky than this! With a huge Christmas tree, snowmen, candy canes and green wreaths, this dance platform relives the goodness of the season.

7. Subway Blue Line: Surrounded by steel and concrete, this dance battlefield makes for some hardcore dancin'!

8. Haunted Classroom: It’s dark, it’s creepy. But then again, no dance area can be that dull and frightening. This arena is propped with booming speakers to drive the ghosts away while you get down and groovy.

9. Dead Man's Treasure: Get in tune with your wild and adventurous side with this new dance arena! Experience what it's like to groove to the beat on a pirate ship decked with looted treaure! If you've got the right spunk and attitude, then this is the dance floor for you!

10. Snow Valley: Feel the chill as you dance at Snow Valley Arena. With all the snow in the background, you can sense the coolness as you dance to your favorite beat.

11. Halloween: Get creepy and hippy on this game arena “Halloween”. Lighted pumpkin and a mummy on the background will give you that creepy feel while dancing.

12. Bora: Just in time for Summer, this map was patterned to one of our great beaches “Boracay”. If you're in the mood for one hot summer party, this is the right arena for you!!

13. Audition Land: Audition Land Arena is like dancing on a theme park.

Audition also features levels for one to determine his capacity in the game.

	Level 1 - 5

	Level 6-10

	Level 11-15

	Level 15-20

	Level 21-25

	Level 26-30

	Level 31-35

	Level 36-40

	Level 41-45

	Level 46-50

	Level 50-60

Everyone is talking about the new MMOG to hit this side of the virtual dance floor. Audition: Online Dance Battle is the latest rhythm game from IP e-Games. In the tradition of classics like O2Jam, Audition is indeed another jam-packed revolution in Philippine online gaming.

So what’s the hype to Audition? It is fairly simple: by perfecting the arrow combination displayed onscreen, you can make your online character execute incredible dance maneuvers. But what’s really immersive about this game is the multiplayer experience. Here, players compete as to who has the quickest hands, with perfecting button coordination and timing as key to make their online avatars dance their way to victory. Added by high-quality music and cool in-game animations, expect only the best in gaming experience. Indeed the sight of four or five characters dancing in perfect unison, or a single player standing out from the rest is thrilling in itself.

What’s more, you can accentuate your character with Den, the in-game currency. By going to the Shopping Mall, you can further wow your opponents with your fashion bling!

Audition has quite a massive following all over Asia. The game has local versions in several countries and has an international version as well. That’s one of the main reasons why e-Games brought it in. Filipinos have always been known to be great music lovers and you will love this casual party game.

It is high time to show the world what Pinoys can do on the virtual dance floor.
Pinoy music freaks, unite! Get ready for Audition!

So, have a blast. I suggest put you dancing shoes and take a dip in the online world of dance battle. ü

-- disclaimer. some information were taken from the official website of audition dance battle online.

back on track

2009-03-02T02:17:00.000-08:00

I'm back on track again. It's been a busy year for me. Whew! College is not as easy as it seems. The stories of a laid-back future were nothing but mere myths. If high school was a piece of blueberry cheesecake, college might be considered a fruit cake, a rock hard fruit cake. ( No offense to fruit cake lovers though.)

I think it's time to let go of the stress and indulge myself in some good old blogging. Nothing much happened, as far as I'm concerned, I only have my life to worry about. Blogging has been one of the crazy channels that fuel my slightly insane mind. Now, it's time to put my skills back to work again. I have been a little rusty but I guess I'll take a bite at the BIG old cookie called LIFE.

I have gained a lot of friends, yet lost a few. I have taught myself things I've never learned to do before. It's not easy to wash your own clothes amidst the pile of exams and paper work cascading down on you. I ain't superwoman!

I'm keeping this short to keep you hanging. I'll keep you posted, entertain you and even inform you if I can. Feel free to talk to me!

So, here's to the return of the superficial dreamer. See you soon. ü

fighting her battle.

2008-11-22T21:09:00.001-08:00

Just when I thought secrets were to be shared by certain best friends. I didn't know I would have my own Cady Herons in life. Well, in some ways, she is kind of a Cady.

Best friends don't stab you in the back, take for example, keeping secrets from you is pretty much the same thing if you ask me. I just don't get it, why I don't like HIM for HER. I guess, it's something you have to experience firsthand. It's not as simple as ABC, that you can sing over again if you make a mistake. It's like writing an essay with a ball pen, and you can't have any erasures at all.

HEART-- yea, it's been bruised. I can't believe she of all people would do this to me. I never experienced this before. I miss the friendship.

I write this blog, due to the fact that I am extremely hurt. Emotionally only, and I try to have this certain defense mechanism of being "I'm-all-maldita-so-you-ca

n't-touch-me" type of personality and of course, outlet all my rage in blogging. People connect to that, which is fine, but it often creates misunderstandings that, I think, go deeply into how humans evolved, and how that evolution never anticipated a medium where a written word could be read by so many people without a connection coming back.

This leads to a sense of familiarity, which is expected, but it can also give a sense of intimacy, even friendship, which is wrong, because what’s going on here is not friendship, although inside us many of the feelings that come from being a regular reader of a weblog are the same ones we feel as we are developing a friendship, in the world evolution designed us for. But this is not that world.

And with this comes a tough lesson, and unfortunately it seems, you only learn this by living, television doesn’t teach it, schools don’t teach it, and if you’re above a certain age, our parents didn’t teach it. You have to learn it by living, by thinking of someone as a friend, only to find out they don’t think of you as a friend. It can be devastating, I know, I’ve been there myself. But all the wishing, all the manipulation, all the determination, just serves to push the would-be friend further away. Because friendship is something you choose to do, you don’t do it out of a sense of obligation. To force someone to be a friend is to not have a friend.

It’s not just something that happens with blogs, celebrity of any kind yields a false intimacy, they’ve made dozens of movies about it. The star is objectified. In the presence of a fan, the star is not a human, it’s an object, it behaves the way the fan wants it to behave. It signs the autograph, it smiles, it thanks. Stephen King wrote a horror story about this called Misery in which the protagonist is bound, held hostage and tortured by a fan. There’s an awful DeNiro movie, where he plays a fan who’s determined to be friends with a star, played by Jerry Lewis. It’s one of the few movies I’ve walked out on, it’s so hard to watch.

I learned a lot about friends when I got sick sometime in high school. I learned that a friend is someone I trust to be with me when I am at my weakest and most vulnerable. And they are people who, no matter how painful it is to see, are willing to be with me when I am so helpless and weak. If I would trust my life with you, and vice versa, we are friends. It’s not about whether you are trustworthy, or whether you are friendly, it’s the actual act of trust that is the basis of friendship. If I trust you to be truthful, then you’re a friend. If I find I must be careful how I say things, then it’s something other than friendship.

Friendship is not a state of mind, it’s an act. It’s something you do, it’s not about whether you’re good or not, it’s not a reflection of you, it’s a balanced relationship between people. That doesn’t mean it’s always balanced at every moment. Sometimes you “need a friend” and other times it’s the other way. It’s a trust that’s returned. When I was younger and thought I was in love, a friend said it’s not love unless it’s returned. Friendship and love are not quite the same thing, although there’s a lot of love around friendship. I learned that love isn’t even something about two people, it’s a state of being for one person. You aren’t in love, you are love. You are, whether you acknowledge it or not. The heart that’s pumping blood through your body is an act of love, 24 hours a day, whether you’re Mother Teresa or Adolf Hitler. (Sorry for the extreme example.)

There’s a world of difference between being a friend and being a fan. I’ve heard people who I’ve never met say we’re friends. And then of course when I do something they don’t like, I’ve betrayed the supposed friendship. They’re living in a dreamworld. It’s very puzzling to be the object in the middle of this swirl of emotions, I say object because my job isn’t to be truthful, my job is to be who you think I should be. Of course that’s not friendship, that’s torture.

When a friend changes you can find the bond that’s connecting you at a deeper level. The surface stuff isn’t a good thing to depend on. Physical bodies change as they grow. So do emotional bodies and intellectual ones. Take a deep breath. People move, life is more like a wild dance than a ceremony. You just can’t tell what’s coming next.

So if you find yourself trying to coerce someone into not changing, then dear reader, that is not friendship, that is coercion.

The world isn’t divided into two parts — friends and enemies. I choose to think of friend as a very strong word, representing a very close relationship. I think this may be in part due to what I do, because I need a good solid line separating my public life from my personal. A friend is a personal relationship. I like and admire many people who I don’t consider friends.

----

And so I thought that life was harder due to the fact that I'm taking up nursing. But then again, it isn't. There are certain things beyond that and I wish I would've thought about it in the first place so I was ready to face it, to fight it.

Good girls like Cady, who fall in love with a friends ex-boyfriends are weird. I know she isn't like that, I just hope by the time this story ends, she will be back to the nice girl I knew in the first place.

I can't fight for something that isn't there. I need to see that it still exists, that beyond the lies and mere misunderstandings we have, the spark is still there. A spark worth blowing on, to start a burning flame.

I can't fight the battle, I already unknowingly lost.

Enjoy the happy life.

2008-11-20T19:40:00.001-08:00

Here are some simple steps to have a great life. Life may not be the best for us always, but sometimes, ALL we need to do is just breathe. :)

Take a 10-30 minute walk everyday and when you walk, SMILE. :D

Sit in silence each day for 10 minutes.

When you wake up each morning, complete the statement,

" My purpose is to... today" .

Live with the 3 E's. energy, enthusiasm, empathy.

and the 3 F's. faith, family, friends.

Spend more time with people over the age of 70 and under the age of 6.

Dream more while you are awake.

Try to make at least three people smile each day.

Realize that life is a school, and you are here to learn, pass all your tests. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class, but the lessons you will learn to will last a lifetime.

Smile and laugh more. It will keep the energy vampires away.

Life isn't fair but it still is good.

Life is to short to waste time hating anyone.

You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagreements.

Make peace with your past, so it won't mess up your present.

Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their life is all about.

Burn the candles, use the nice sheets. Don't save it for a special occasion, today is special.

No one is in charge of your happiness, except you.

Forgive everyone for everything.

What other people think of you is none of your business.

Time heals, almost everything. Give time, time.

However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will, stay in touch.

Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

The best is yet to come. BELIEVE.

No matter how you feel, get up, dress up, show up.

Do the right thing!

Call your family often.

Each night before you go to bed, finish this statement:

" I am thankful for.. "

" Today, I accomplished. "

Remember that you are too blessed to be stressed!

Enjoy the ride, Life is not Disney world and you certainly don't want a fast pass. Make the most of it and enjoy the ride! :)

The old brush knows all the corners.

2008-11-20T19:34:00.000-08:00

I didn't know that as time goes by, she would also FADE away. I mean, people do change and I still can't accept the fact that she's drifting away too. Maybe, I'm just plain boring that no one ever really sticks around.

She was one of the best friends I ever had and then to think that just because of her boy-confusion, she treats me like this. I don't want her to drift away, I don't want our friendship to end. I mean, to change. I want it the way it was.

Well, I guess I was just another line in her book and just another page she turned away. It pierces through the despaired heart of the overly stressed heart of the author if you may want to know the real status. The puzzles don't fit together now, and the image is quite blurred of what the future may give me, if she would realize that the page she left behind is still wanting to be reread or the page she left behind isn't worth another glimpse.

I miss the way she laughs and the way she calls my name when she waits for me after class. Then now, it's as if she doesn't even see me. I call her name, in hope of accompaniment but then she turns around and goes with another group of friends. I don't know what her problem is, or if she is fed up with me. As people come and go, there are people you want to be with and I hope she knows that she's one of the few people I would want to spend time with. It's not that I'm being possessive or selfish but I didn't quite expect that she would change.

I was right, people DO CHANGE eventually. Friends aren't forever and boys aren't whatever after all. I hope she knows that while she makes some PEOPLE happy, others are trying to reach out to her.

The lesson to be learned: Don't ever forget old friends when new ones get added because " A new broom may sweep clean, but the old brush knows all the corners."

issues with oh-so-random thoughts.

2008-10-24T07:00:00.000-07:00

Just a random thought. I got home after our YFC meeting and then, I realized that I had nothing to do. I mean, I was halfway through breaking dawn and I didn't feel like continuing Jacob's saga tonight so I went and meddled with my somewhat overused and abused mind.

So, I got to realize as we wasted away our afternoon due to lack of classes, (haha! i mean, teachers!) that a lot of us really had issues; especially, parent problems.

A lot of us, I think are forced into decision we didn't even make, right? I mean, a lot of us are where we are now because of our parent's plans for us. They know the best, that's what I heard. I have nothing against my parents, if you think this is one way of my being a vigilante.

Every parent pictures a perfect kid in us. The kind who gets the top grades, excels in a sport and still look good at the same time, plus have a very active social life! It's impossible right?

Nobody loves to study. Who has the nagging feeling to study anyways? I tell you, if you know one person who always feels like he/she has to study, then there's a problem. hahaa!

So, I know there are people who always get pushed by their parents and people who feel like they need to please their parents. I tell you, be open to them. Talk to them and maybe, that talk can open doors for better a understanding with what they want for you. They're not always wrong and you're not always right. I know, we all got dreams we want to fulfill and dreams we want to bring into life but life isn't all that. Sometimes, we need to sacrifice the things that make us happy because not everything that makes you happy is the best for you.

Just make the most of what you have and where you are now. Who knows, you might be on the right track after all. Enjoy life and take in each day as it comes, don't think about the pressure and everything will work out just fine. :)

Losing my Biggest Fan-- my eulogy.

2008-08-17T01:08:00.001-07:00

Lolo Dods- without a doubt, had fully lived his 68 years in excellence in this earth as God’s instrument of love.

As a child, I could clearly picture out my Lolo before, wearing a white shirt and black slacks, & I clearly remember me asking him if he had any other clothes aside from his usual pair-up and he’d laugh ever so loudly. I’d always have fond memories of my Lolo; days when he’d pick me up from school as a little girl, days he’d bring me to fiestas he’d attended and even ordinary days when I’d go over to their house and he’d always save me the best part of the chicken.

To those who had known him, we might remember him, sitting there sa “galingan”, either reading the newspaper or weighing the sacks of rice tirelessly. When someone would visit him, he’d always ask me to make coffee which I’d do tirelessly and then he’d have his little chats with people dropping by.

I’ll always have the fondest memories of you, Lo. I’ll miss the way you hold my hand and smile at me when I’m just there, the way you’d tell me that you want to dance ballroom so bad, you’d drag me around and we’d both laugh it. I’ll miss the way you’d ask me “who’s your no. 1 Lolo in the whole kalibuts?” and still you never get tired of hearing your name; and Lolo, you’d always be my no. 1 Lolo in the whole kalibuts.

Lolo was no doubt, one of the strongest men I’ve ever met. When we’d have the chance to have lunch with the whole family, everyone was always excited. We, apos, would always line up and he’d give us 20 pesos each to spend. The family would always remember him for his laughs, his jokes and his tireless praises for Lola Nita’s cooking. He’s the no. 1 fan of my Lola’s cooking. Lolo’s children would keep telling me that Lolo was very strict when they were still young which I was proud of because if he hadn’t been strict, he’d never see his children as the persons they are now.

Even when he was in pain, he’d never want to see us looking sad. Yet even the strongest people know how it feels to be burdened emotionally especially when we see him suffer in pain.

We all have our different purposes in life; it doesn’t mean that if we die late, we are bad people. It is in God’s will that we are called because we have finished our purpose as instruments of God in this earth as living beings.

Ridiculous, I thought. He just isn’t the type to die. Why does this always happen to the good guys?

You know how people say that there is a “grieving period”? This is just as ridiculous. I know I’ll never get over losing him. It’s dawning on me slowly. I feel like I’m losing him in pieces. Like the first time I went to their room after he passed away, I realized I’d never hear him singing his Elvis Presley songs or hear him getting exited when he smells Lola’s cooking or even ask me what’s the correct pronunciation of this word and that. Or when I go to their house and he smiles at me and hugs to tell me I’m his “pinangga”. Then, I remembered he was gone. There are just too many nevers to reckon with and I doubt I’ll ever fully grasp how gone he is.

I always wanted to tell him- I loved him. I know he knew that. I loved wasting my time with him and I loved how he fixed bad days, just by being there. He was my best friend.

I miss him terribly, but I know he’s here somewhere, waiting to give me a hug. Too bad it isn’t now, but someday doesn’t sound too bad to me. Someday Lolo, someday.

Lolo Dods- a husband, a father, a grandfather, an uncle, a best friend, a classmate, a friend. We will miss you so much Lo.

Nikki T. Sia
July 13, 2008

first day blues.

2008-06-10T01:59:00.000-07:00

I have fully survived the first day of College. It was pretty fine, starting with a hot day under the scorching sun. hahaa. :) It is now official - I am a college freshie. OMG.

Hello strangers. The first two days here have been quite a BORE. I felt like an outcast amidst the people who were familiar with each other. Try that for a change huh? My brain has decided to shrink to a certain size - peanut size. bleak. bleak. bleak.

I miss my baby brother who ends up being my pure Barbie doll at the end of the day, I miss my sister who I have the full privilege of being an annoying sister and I miss everyone at home. OMG.

Waking up and always smiling? It was a strain, not to mention an act of "politeness". Okay? I ditched my first Math class [12-1 PM], but to my surprise, our teacher ditched us. haha:)

It's kinda crazy but finally, I've made a few friends. :) Wish me luck 'cause I'm gonna need it. (a lot) One by one, the pieces start fitting in together. Say hello to college baby! :]

an insane breakdown.

2008-06-05T20:29:00.000-07:00

This is it. It's my last three days at home before school and before I officially become an "official" kolehiyala". lol.

My mind has morphed back into its original state -- a popsicle. It's slowly sinking in the blackhole of memories. Ever since, High School closed its doors at me, I've been slowly eating up the pieces of my rotting brain.

Goo. Definitely nothing else to say but, I am a nervous wreck. I know I'm gonna miss everything about this place. Well, it's not like I'm not coming back but the thought of leaving Ormoc and living in another place; well,it kinda creeps me out. seriously.

I am an immature kid at heart.

I'm not ready to grow up yet: Meet the modern Peter Pans and Tinkerbells.

I can still throw a tantrum like a toddler. Admit I still watch the Disney Channel. I still use safety scissors & cause havoc. Admit I've kept their imaginary friend[s] and still go to the park and play on the slides. I scream about Dinosaurs in the middle of a shopping center. I admit that I still nag my parents for ice-cream money and get hyper because I've had to much sugar. I do finger paint and draw stick people. I still wear colorful clips in their hair, because I really don't care about anyone else's opinion.

See? There are just about a million reasons why I should stay here in this wretched place.[haha] I can't bear the thought of leaving my BEST friends here while I bathe in the sunlight of the place that is, Cebu. I can't bear the thought that I'd have to leave HIM behind.

It's kind of weird how all my life, I've been looking for reasons to leave this place, and now, it's there yet it's the time, I've finally found a reason to stay. There are a million people who have this encounter everyday. It's like you've been waiting in line at a coffee shop surrounded by the stench of Body Odor, and when you're finally at the counter to get your coffee and leave, someone goes into the shop and catches your attention. just like that.

I hate to be stuck in a house with strangers. Hello to strangers for the next four [or five] years of my life to come. Maybe, in time, I'll get to enjoy living there and forget about this "crazy" and odd feelings stuck in my stomach. Two more nights at home and tomorrow, it's the last day I get to go out.

Well, the outbursts of my mind and heart have now been officially published. Wish me luck and I'll get to talk more about life in Cebu.

why girls hate guys. :)

2008-06-02T20:02:00.000-07:00

credits to: CandyMag and Marika Mañago

1. YOU'RE INSENSITIVE. We're bawling our eyes out because our dog chewed up our trigonometry homework (it happens!), we've got a huge zit on our nose, and we spotted our crush holding hands with some girl in the mall yesterday! When you come along and spot us all teary-eyed, you do one of the two: a) bolt out of there like you're training for the Olympics, and you're late for practice; or b) ask "Hey, why is your face all red? You allergic to something? Oh, you've got a pimple on your nose!" And then, you laugh your head off.

Guys: We are not intentionally insensitive. We do it because there are times when we're not sure what we're supposed to say. After all, we're not, repeat, NOT mind readers. Tears make us uncomfortable and unsure of ourselves, so rather than say something really dumb, we stick to the things we do best: a) avoid trouble, or b) try to elicit a laugh. Granted, those two approaches have a track record like Scary Spice's solo career, but it's programmed into our systems, so unless we learn a new way of doing things, our skins remain iron-like.

2. YOU THINK YOU'RE BETTER THAN GIRLS. At math, sports, driving, video games, and basically just about everything. When you see someone having difficulty parking a car, you say in disbelief; "A guy wouldn't be that stupid!" Then, the dawning of enlightenment shines upon you as you catch the driver's feminine features, "Oh, it's a girl." It's as if we're allowed to make mistakes because we're of the inferior gender. And when we demand to know why you think this way, you just shrug your shoulders and say, "Because it's true.' Oh, help!

Guys: Well, it is true! Just kidding! There are a lot of thing girls do better than boys, like...well, you talk really well. But you have to admit, attitudes are changing. What girls couldn't do before, they're now doing better than most guys. Heck, I know Lisa Leslie could beat me in a game of basketball any time. It's just that doing everything guys do occasionally robs us of the chance to be the classic knights-in-shining-armor. What better excuse is there to make pa-cute� to a girl than to ask if she needs help with her math, sports, driving, etc.? It makes us feel a bit better about our poor selves, so give us a break. Oh, and watch the road!

3. YOU'RE IRRESPONSIBLE. Woe unto the girl who is paired with a boy on a major project! We know what you say when you pick group mates! "Let's work with a girl so we don't have to do anything!" So what happens to us when we're stuck with you guys? We turn into nags (and contrary to what you think, we hate that!): "Don't be late for the meeting!" "Stop fooling around, start, working!" and "Why aren't you doing your share of the work?"

Guys: This is one instance wherein we will freely admit that girls can do a better job than guys. Girls are much better at making presentations and things like that because you're more conscientious. Plus, teachers like it better when they know girls made their report. We'd rather have a job done right than do it ourselves and spoil the whole thing.

4. YOU THINK YOU CAN CHARM YOUR WAY INTO OUR HOMEWORK (OR ANYTHING ELSE!). You're best at this: making pa-cute! With your heads leaning on our shoulders, the brightness of your smiles, all that bola on how we're the prettiest, smartest, and sweetest girls you've ever known. And all because you need our homework, the number of our best friend, or some money. And the sad part is, more often than not, you get away with it. Sigh.

Guys: And that's why we do it: because it works! Seriously, though, would anyone-girl or guy-want to be asked for something in a manner that is more sour than sweet? Besides, girls do this even better. How many times has a guy acquiesced to do a girl's homework or help her study for a test the next day, despite a personal schedule crammed with PS2 sessions and ESPN marathons? A few sweet words and a head leaning on our shoulder, and we're all yours. Don't upset the status quo!

5. YOU THINK OGLING GIRLS IS YOUR GOD-GIVEN RIGHT. As much as you think you were created to help out us damsels in distress, you guys believe that in exchange for your strong arms and sharp wit, you are totally entitled to ogle girls as if we were toys on display. When you talk about a girl, it's all about her body. Maybe one percent will be about her personality, then you revert back to her short skirts and tight shirts.

Guys: Asking us not to look at girls in the aforementioned garb is like asking shoppers not to notice beautiful, tastefully executed store windows. Yes, this sounds terrible, but we do have eyes. But it's really all talk for most of us, since we're more afraid of rejection than anything (except maybe flying cockroaches).

blogging my life.

2008-05-28T22:14:00.000-07:00

Summer after graduation, these were the months before college where there are mixed emotions of excitement, sadness and happiness. We ll have memories that we leave behind everyday and sometimes we all want something to look back on. A perpetual state of change. It's surprising how our way of thinking changes over the years, months, days and even minutes. We get to preserve a piece from our fruitcake lives at any particular point, at the most genuine point of view, based on our experiences.

Blogging--You get to release a chapter of your life whenever you like. :]

SERENDIPITY-- this is what you don't get in real life. You don't end up pointing out constellations on a complete stranger's arm, lying down in the middle of a skating rink, having the missing half of your pair of gloves float down from the sky, turning around and finding the one. That's out of this world.

Yes, these remain a dream. It's a dream to write your number on a piece of paper and have it magically find its way to the "man of your dreams". It's a dream to pursue the perfect one. So, REALITY comes our way.

SILENCE and AWKWARDNESS. Sweaty hands and parched out-of-words mouth. It's a part of life, of being real. Not just some accident, but making something out of your own choices. Life's messier.

In memory of: Paul Mabaquiao.

2008-05-26T23:38:00.000-07:00

SUICIDE. Ooh. It's the latest trend. Everybody's doing it and so the story goes.

The news came to me the other night, May 24th. He shot himself because of his "grades". As what the rumors have spread through text messages. He was found dead in their compound and was known to have died last May 22 but was found on the 24th. He was a nursing student and a friend of mine. He was a year ahead of me, and he courted me before. He would accompany me in going home just weeks before their High school graduation.

He was tall, funny and nice to be with. We kept a friendship that shared friendly nods and smiles when we've crossed paths.

He was an incoming nursing sophomore and maybe he dreamed of having a family, a home with a great wife and a stable job. But it all ended in a flash.

His dad found him lying in his own blood a gun in one hand and his cellphone in another. I know it broke his father's heart to see his son die. It was about 3 days before his body was found and word spread around easily. His face was never the same again. Looking at his face in the casket, as what my friend told me, it was different from what we last saw of him.

Maybe it was disappointment that drove him to do it, but it is not the answers to our problems. SUICIDE is a one-way ticket to HELL and beyond.

I pray for PAUL ANTHONY MABAQUIAO. For those who knew him as TONY BANGS, a good friend who puts smiles on our faces. For those who do not know him, please join us in praying for him. Prayers will help in reaching out to GOD to help him.

Nothing lasts forever.

2008-05-26T23:07:00.000-07:00

How I wished they'd just slapped me in the face than talk to me like that. I know it's for the BEST, but it felt like being stabbed upfront over and over again for the same reason.

FLIRT? It's normal for parents to doubt their teenager's words but if you were there being told that maybe you were showing OFF for a BOY and the same old reasons. It would hurt so bad. I've made a mistake, I admit it. I failed to inform them that I'd be arriving home LATE and I told them I was sorry. But seriously, doubting and making false pretenses? It's out of the line.

I have four years ahead of me and there, they say, it's just as quick and easy as High School. Yeah right. Don't they know how hard it is to wait for four years (maybe even five) to finish something you never wanted in the first place? For practicality's sake, or so they say, and yet even I as a daughter, I can't help but envy those other teenagers whose dreams are supported by their parents even if their dreams aren't worth supporting after all.

It may seem selfish and conceited of me to act this way. I have dreams too and they got crushed by their own DREAM. A dream they want to fulfill so bad, they're willing to undermine their children's ambitions.

I'd never imagine myself, even as a little girl, that I'd be taking up this profession. There are things I find difficult to explain at this point and it is slowly eating up my heart.

The fulfillment of finishing High School has been one of the greatest achievements I've had in life especially if you've finished with flying colors. Yet, as quick as the joy came of finishing this phase, sadness filled my heart as I saw the future that lied ahead.

To whine is not the purpose of this entry, but to let out a crushed heart. As happy as I was, being with my friends if not for the last time before I leave for college in less than two weeks, a feeling of disappointment and hurt replaced it. Before I knew it, tears were streaming down my face, and apparently, THEY hurt me.

As happiness comes quickly, embrace it while you can and enjoy it while it's still there because as quick as lightning, it may all fade away forever because NOTHING LASTS FOREVER.

what a fvcking friend.

2008-05-23T02:52:00.000-07:00

A friend is someone you can trust on.

Yeah, right. I've trusted you with all of my PASSWORDS bonehead and yet you get me in trouble?! I never did anything to you and to think she was my group owner!

So not cool. We're supposed to be BEST friends and yet you put me in a pothole of SHAME.I feel so ashamed right now. My group owner just changed her profile because of that thing you did, and I thought it was your gift for me. I've been on FRIENDSTER to make friends bitch yet you just made me look like an "OXYMORON" as what my group owner has tagged me.

Err. I just can't believe what you did! This is a big slap to my face and you made me look like I can't get a life. You made me look like I'm pathetic! If you treat me like this, if you make me look like a FOOL and a USELESS bitch in front of other people, I need you not. The least you could do was say sorry when I asked you why you did it. Get a life.

to Xhamita:

My deepest and sincerest apologies. There has been quite a misunderstanding and I do hope that you can forgive me in behalf of my "best" friend's shortcoming. I face the shame of the consequence of her act and I express my apology to you. Believe me or not, I tell the truth. It is truly my task to take responsibility for my "friend's" actions and I feel so ashamed that she did this to me. Thank you for letting me now what she posted in my blog and I assure you, this will not happen again. :)

A Salute to Mr. David Cook. :D

2008-05-21T22:33:00.000-07:00

"Good Morning Sunshine!"

The news woke me up, David Cook just won the much coveted 7th American Idol title after Idols like Kelly Clarkson, Ruben Studdard, Fantasia Barrino, Carrie Underwood, Taylor Hicks and Jordin Sparks. He was really my bet after all and I have been praying for his victory. I thank Rose Ann for introducing David C. into my life. (laugh please. haha.)

And so, I wish Mr. Cook to inspire more and bring out the best in him and in others like all the rest.

Here are some facts that I happen to know about the David Cook. I must tell you, he is not David Cook, he is THE David Cook.

The first concert he ever attended was the band Crossroads at Metcalf Mall in KC, KS and he draws inspiration from his brothers. The best advice he can give to the contestants in the future?
Take the time to enjoy it, not just experience it.

His musical influences were Our Lady Peace, Big Wreck. He likes to meet Keira Knightley and the Idol that he has looked up to so far is Kelly Clarkson, I mean, she is after all, the first American Idol.

The biggest obtacle that he had to overcome in life would be being confident enough in himself to chase this whole music thing. His other talents include being an expert television watcher and sleeping and eating like nobody's business.

And so folks, drawing inspiration from David Cook, a little perseverance and talent, can go a long way! But you need not to crush other people in the process. :)

Are you happy?

2008-05-18T17:56:00.000-07:00

Anorexic, superficial and a whore who lacks any long-term goals? Me? Haha. Ok. It's nothing. It just popped in my mind like a balloon. *pop*

Then, I turned off the television I was absorbed in awhile ago and gazed at my toe which was now in a bluish-black state. ouch. Hey whatever. I was worth it, I think.

My mind always played flashbacks or in my case, I prefer to call them "REWINDS". The day faced me like a sleek tiger, silent and ready to attack. well, actually, the day faced me kind of early(teenager early), like 8:30ish. We had our pictures taken for the application to NY something.

Luckily, the results met my expectations. They were BAD. Then again, I was able to waste my idle Saturday afternoon with friends. BADMINTON TRAINING? Yeah, like I'd get any better than a five-year old. boo-hoo.

I'm a bad athlete. I can guarantee you that, but hey, WE won our first game. The first game we've ever played. He saved me. Hooray. It was then that I realized that it was exactly one week ever since ... we started spending time together.

It made me realize that when I was with him, I didn't have to be fancy or talk in a "special" way, that I didn't have to wear my best clothes or shoes, and that I didn't have to impress him. I mean, he always saw me in sweat but he still talked to me. Spending time with him made me be myself and not the anorexic, superficial whore I'd escribed earlier, although I may be quite superficial at times.

When he touched my hand again, it still perfectly and now, I saw his face looking at mine. I don't know why or how it even happened, all I know is that I am HAPPY. are you?

why boys fall inlove with girls. ♥

2008-05-15T23:05:00.000-07:00

Why boys fall in love with girls:

(This was written by a guy) it's so sweet!

1. Girl's always smell good even if it is just shampoo.

2. The way their head always finds the right spot on our shoulders.

3. How cute they look when they sleep.

4. The ease in which they fit into our arms.

5 . The way they kiss you and all ofsudden everything in the world is right.

6. How cute they are when they eat.

7. The way it takes them hours to getdressed but in the end it's all worthwhile.

8. Because they are always warm even if it's -30 outside.

9. They look good no matter what they wear.

10. The way they fish for compliments even though you both know that you think she's the most beautiful girl on earth.

11. How cute they are when they argue.

12. The way her hand always finds yours.

13 . The way they smile.

14. The way you feel after you see her name on your cell after you just had a big fight.

15. The way they say "lets not fight anymore"- eventhough you know that an hour later...

16. The way they kiss you after a fight.

17 . The way they kiss you after you say "i love you".

18. Actually..The way they kiss you...

19. The way they fall into your arms when they cry.

20. They way they apologize after crying over something that silly.

21. The way they hit you and expect it to hurt *i think every girl is guilty of this!.

22. Then the way they apologize when it does hurt(even though we don't admit it).

23. The way they say "i miss you".

24. The way you miss them.

25. The way their tears make you want to change the world so it doesn't hurt her anymore.

And so, there are about just a million reasons more and here's what I say to the guys:

Yet regardless if they love us, hate us, wish we would die or know that they would die without us, it matters not! Because once in our lives, whatever we are to the world, we become everything to them. When they look us in the eyes, travel the depths of our souls and say a million things without trace of sound,they know that our own life is inevitable consumed within the rhythmic beats of our very heart. They love us for a million reasons, no paperdo it justice. It is a thing of not the mind but the heart.

A feeling. Only felt.

dreams. :3

2008-05-13T19:58:00.000-07:00

The sound of leaves rustling woke me up. I looked at my phone, it was 11 am. oh crap. I overslept again.

So, I caught my sister watching Hairspray and got to watch it. It's a great film that tells us that we don't need to be pretty or popular to be on top, as long as we work hard and believe in our dreams, we can achieve them.

Too bad, I can't achieve mine. Boo-Hoo. I've always thought of becoming a writer ever since I became part of the school publication in my freshman year. I've also thought about taking up Fine Arts, I mean, I'm not that bad at art but NO, I would be a Nurse all because of the "dollars". I blame the stupid economic crisis. I blame Her Excellency.

So, I stopped my illusions and went to look for the song my friend told me about and it made me feel "loved". The song is great, it was a remake by David Cook. Try to listen to it:

It made me "gaga" crazy, which made me forget about my crushed dreams. Haha. We all have dreams. Can you tell me yours?

How do you let go of yours?

2008-05-12T22:19:00.000-07:00

drap. drap. drap.

The raindrops fell hard on the roof. It was kinda weird having rainy days in summer.

The air smelled of fried pork chops. *bluuurggh* Pardon me, my tummy started to whimper. Haha.

Then, I remembered a guy from the past. He was a year older than me yet I thought we had a connection. He gave me promises, made me laugh yet there was always "another" girl.

Anyways, STOP. LOOK and READ.

This "Girl" has been in my hot seat for quite awhile now. ERR. I just can't believe she's my friend's (another guy, who happened to be a part of my past TOO) ex-girlfriend. It's none of my business, that I can say but I got to thinking that maybe I should get to know her.

"Keep your friends close, keep your enemies closer" right? hmm. NAAAAAAAH! haha.

It took me a couple of minutes to stay on track. The day had been lame. I've got three weeks until I leave this monotonous town for college. The city, I practically want to spend the rest of my life in. Yet it's like I've been on HOUSE ARREST!

The wails of a detained prisoner stab like ice picks to the ear; annoying and painful. The sun hasn't shown the slightest ray. It felt like a box, yet the thought of HIM, arises hope that He will shed some light on me soon.

The day paced off like a blur leaving the beings with a ton of headache and broken hearts. We let go of our days, I too, learn to let go. And can I ask you a simple question?

How do you let go of yours?

why don't you grow up?

2008-05-12T21:31:00.000-07:00

Growing old is mandatory but growing up is OPTIONAL - mandatory because no one can stop it. Who can stop growing old? Optional because many think growing up as a personal choice. Growing up is mandatory- if life is to be truly enjoyed the way the AUTHOR of life designed it for us to enjoy.

"Why don't you grow up?" It simply implies that grown-ups are mature and responsible for their actions compared to kids who are commonly naive and reckless.

In reality, however, the thought may be farthest from the earth.

There are people who live broken lives. In terms of chronological and biological rackoning, they have grown old. But emotionally and spiritually, they have remained somewhat "BONSAI" - NO! Bonsai is a beautiful miniature, an artistic product patiently shaped to achieve properly proportioned parts characteristic of BIG TREES. "Dwarf" would be the more appropriate term. Squat sized with disproportionate elements.

So, why don't you grow up? The race goes and so does our running, Good luck!

A good question needs a good answer.

2008-05-12T06:19:00.000-07:00

" maaaaaan, the day is so bleak."

The sun shone directly to my face. I took a timecheck, it was 6:30. (so early.) I went back to sleep under the covers and then a knock was heard about 30 minutes later.

"BOOM"-- wapaak. It sounded like that, like a hammer on rock hard cement, it banged and banged on the door 'till I finally got up. *oww*. Papa was knocking on my door. *whoops rewind*. What date is it? May 2nd. Oh yeah. It's papa's birthday! woot. woot.He was asking me to take care of Sean. My head hurt. There, that is the product of sleeping at 2 am. aww, man. :

After lunch, I was a sight to behold- drenched in my own sweat. SPOOF*. It`s been quite a BORE. I NEVER had money. (desperately need it! hahaa). err. : Looking away, I noticed the sun shining brightly away. *oh, mr. sun! mr. golden sun!*. I stopped and smiled. Quickly, I managed to find my notebook amongst the icky stuff in my black bag. I got a pen and wrote my heart out. The heat was getting to me. OOOWGH. Awhile ago, I went to the beach. I managed to walk from grandma's house to there. Meeting different faces which as a matter of fact, dazzled me. How did God create so many faces and never repeated them? (wel, except for twins, DUH-UH!) Ok. ok. lame question. Soo lame indeed.

My mind is a vat of toxic waste, a waste of stupid and pointless thoughts. DUMB or DUMB-ER!? Who am I? I never cared, maybe I was DUMB-EST! Then, my cousin shouted, "A good question needs a good answer!". I mean, have you ever wondered why? Well, I never did. Why does it even mater? Why would I give someone a good answer if he or she asked a stupid question right? I mean, we're only as stupid as the question. So, why does it really matter? The day ends here. I closed my book and I hoped to find answers SOON.

Independent moi.

2008-05-12T06:10:00.000-07:00

It's kind of crazy and I got to thinking that HS really is over.

aun. oh db? tapos na. bongga.

I'll miss those little things that I once, "oh-so-took-for-granted".

I'll miss waking up at 6am. [a grueling time for me. who happens to sleep at 1am. ]

I'll miss wearing my white blouse and navy blue jumper [ which as a matter of fact, is soo ORIGINAL. having a lot of schools with the same uniform NATIONWIDE . ]

I'll miss my black shoes and white socks. hayy DRAMA na nman. taee.

Thinking lang, di pa nman ako ready for INDEPENDENCE.

Aahhh. INDEPENDENCE . Ang pinaka-pinangarap ko all these years and now, andito na, hindi ko na feel. Ang sama. It's there yet I can't seem to reach it.

Yes!. we all long for that "INDEPENDENCE". dba? yung sabi na, "hayy salamat. sa wakas, mkkawala na ako! i'm free", pero sometimes, it feels so different.

Bittersweet memoirs of High School.

2008-05-12T05:46:00.000-07:00

i got to sit down this week and reflected of what might have been the "greatest days" of my entire life: HIGHSCHOOL.

. yeah, it taught me how to LOVE. to ACCEPT DEFEAT. to GROW as a person.

HIGHSCHOOL has taught me algebra, biology, chemistry, trigonometry and other than those things, it has taught me how to be a PERSON.

. a person capable of sharing. loving, forgiving and just about everything.

. and now, as the days start to pass, I'd never imagined myself seeing my friends and i all dressed up in galas and ties. it's bittersweet. i don't even know what to expect this March 25.

. HIGHSCHOOL was a big step for me but as I see COLLEGE ahead, i thought to myself, "I'm not ready yet". I'm not ready to give up. I don't wanna be caught in the middle. I'm not a girl yet i'm not a woman.

. FIRST LOVE- yeah, i met him here.

. BEST FRIENDS- yeah they were here too.

. BEST CLASSMATES- the best ever. THOMAXIANZ, i'm gonna miss you.

. BEST BARKADA- we were broken apart yeah, but we still remain friends [4ever].

. BEST TEACHERS and WORST- the heroes who molded us into better persons.

. BEST ENEMIES- haha. lol. i found them here too. soo cool.

. everything that i've encountered in the past four years are truly remarkable, I wouldn't trade it in the world. These are precious memories, it's difficult to say goodbye.

. I've made dreams here. dreams that were fulfilled, dreams that were broken. and I know nothing can ever replace Highschool.

. It's weird to imagine that in June, there's no more RENATO or IBARRA to shout in the classroom, no more ROSE ANN and ERIKA to laugh crazily, no more JAKE to remind us of our dues, no more ISA to shout to, to more MARYJO to hug, no more ION and KRIZIA to tell things to. no more ROE ANN and GENALYN to laugh with. it's sad.
. when recess comes in June, there's no more ANNE or MAYEL to see in the canteen. No more PHILLIP and JOEBEN to give P5 to. No more crazy happenings in the corridor that make it difficlut to pass. No more GEFF and MICHAEL to say "hi". no more RJ to glare at. haha.
. when dismissal comes, no more CHINO, NEKKO and JUDZ to go to Bebidas to. No more GJ and JAYLINE to smile at. just no more. it's gonna be a different crowd.

. The people who have made it and touched my life in every way possible, I'll never forget you.

To SENIORS 2007-2008, you're simply one of a kind and as we say goodbye, I do hope in the next years, we'll see each other and still remember the fondest memories of each other.

. that only time can make,
that only love can make,
that only we can make,

YOU and I.

words of welcome from her excellency. ;)

2008-05-12T05:37:00.000-07:00

Okay. So, this is it. Welcome to the somewhat monotonous life of the dreary Nikki Sia. So, they say, every story starts somewhere. Mine? It starts here. I'll not say that I'm new to this blogging thing because I am in fact a writer and I've been doing blogs or so for the past two years. I'll be posting my posts from other sites and somewhat tidbits of my life. Basically, you get to know more of me, as each day passes. boo-hoo. I know it's not what you wish for. So, I say, *cheers* to that and welcome to my life. ;)

It's easy to become a writer, they say but I tell you, making it interesting and worth it takes a lot of time and a somewhat sloppy brain. Like mine's. It's so hard living in this world, a home far away from home. Here it is. :)

I wish you the best of luck in this endeavor with my "so-called" BLOG.

. WELCOME my dear proteges. :D